Flash Fiction for Halloween

Mr. Moon, Shine on Me

flash fiction

by 

Max Griffin

Mr. Moon is full tonight. I can just see him if I stand on the table by my bed, on my tippy-toes. When you stand like that, you can look out of the basement window and see our backyard. I pull on my chains so I can see Mr. Moon better. He's just sneaking over Mr. Wolfson's roof next door, just like he's playing peek-a-boo. I don't play peek-a-boo anymore. That's for babies. Mr. Wolfson used to let me play with his puppy, though. He's nice to me. His puppy gave me kisses sometimes.

My swing set is in the backyard. It's all shiny in the moonlight. It looks real pretty when Mr. Moon shines on it. I wish Mr. Moon would shine on me.

I wish I could play on my swing set. But not tonight. Mr. Moon is full tonight.

It's real scary when Mr. Moon is full. They scare me when there's a full moon. They always chain me in the basement on those nights. Sometimes they hit me, too. They're real scary when Mr.Moon is full.

My legs hurt where they hit me. Standing on tippy-toe makes my legs hurt the worst. My chains clank when I lay back down on my bed. I hug Mr. Bear. It's cold in the basement tonight. The wind is blowing outside, like my whistle that Daddy threw away because I blew on it too much and it hurt his ears. It's cold and I can't reach my covers. They're far away, on the floor across the basement. I tried to get them but the chains bit my leg and choked me so bad I couldn't reach them.

I wish they didn't make me stay here, but they said I was bad. They hit me and put the chains on me and said I was a very, very bad little boy. They must be right. They're my mommy and daddy. I try to be good. Cross my heart!

When they hit me, I cried and cried. I screamed when they carried me down here. I even hit Daddy. But they didn't care. I don't know why Mommy and Daddy hate me. I hug Mr. Bear tighter. Mr. Bear loves me.

The floor creaks from Mommy and Daddy walking around upstairs. They're yelling again. Sometimes I think Mommy and Daddy hate each other, too. I'm afraid Daddy might leave again. He left once for days and days but then he came back. Mommy cried when he left. She hugged me when she cried. That was nice; she gives good hugs.

But then she chained me in the basement and told me I was bad and hit me.

Daddy was gone for the longest time when he left. I was scared. Mommy said we didn't have enough to eat. Then Daddy came back. He didn't have any food, but Mommy hugged him and kissed him anyway. He was all hairy and Mommy made him shave. She said he looked like an animal. I don't know why she said that. Daddy didn't look at all like Mr. Wolfson's puppy. He put the shaving cream on my face and shaved me, too. We both giggled. That was fun, to giggle with Daddy.

They're yelling again. I don't understand what they're saying. It's all my fault. They must be fighting about me. There's a growling sound, too. It can't be Mr. Wolfson's puppy. He made growly sounds sometimes, but he doesn't come in our back yard any more.

It's so cold and my legs ache. My side hurts, too. Why did they hit me? Why are they yelling at each other? Now Mommy is screaming at Daddy. Daddy screams back. I think they maybe broke some dishes. I hope they aren't the ones that Grandma gave us. Grandma is nice to me. She loves me. She never hits me or locks me in the basement.

Mr. Moon's face is in the window now. He's shining right on me, here in the basement. I don't need to climb on my table anymore to see him. I don't like it when Mr. Moon is full. They scare me and hit me when Mr. Moon is full.

They shout some more. Then a door slams real loud, and a car starts and drives away. Mommy is crying. Her sobs sound all echo-y in the register above my head. I'm scared that Daddy has left again. Maybe if I go upstairs and kiss her, she'll love me and hug me. I think I can slip the chains off, now that Mr. Moon has shined on me. Maybe if I trot to the top of the stairs and scratch at the door, Mommy will open it and let me kiss her.

I'm nearly done changing now. I almost always change when Mr. Moon is full. He has to shine on me, though, or I don't change. I look just like Mr. Wolfson's puppy now. Poor puppy! Last month, when Mr. Moon was full, I got out and ate him.

Knowing When To Quit

This is a rather long joke.I first heard this from a friend who was later to become my brother-in-law.I'm no longer married to his sister, and he's long deceased, but the memory his humor still brings a smile to my lips.I hope you enjoy. 

Knowing When To Quit

Once upon a time there was a couple who longed to have children. Over many years they waited for their first child to come but, alas, for many years they waited in vain. They prayed and gave offerings at church and finally were resigned that it was God's will that they not have a child.

Then a miracle happened and the woman became pregnant! Perseverance has its special reward, as the couple would come to learn.

The couple was ecstatic at their good fortune. They added a room to their cottage for their child and made list after list of baby names. Boy names, girl names, they didn't care. They just wanted their child.

At last the happy day came. The midwife arrived, the father boiled water, and before long a babe's happy cries filled their cottage.

"What do we have, a boy or a girl?" the father asked the midwife.

"Well, I'm not sure, my friend," said she.

"What! Is our baby not healthy?"

"Oh no, the babe's cries are as lusty as any child I have ever delivered." The midwife hesitated. "But, well, your child seems to be missing something. You see, there is only a head. No body, no arms, no legs. Just a head."

Naturally the couple was disappointed at this. But they reasoned that part of a child was better than none and determined to rejoice in their good fortune. After all, their child appeared healthy and happy.

They loved their child dearly. They named their child "Head" since none of those baby names seemed right. After all, it was impossible to say if Head was a little boy or a little girl.

So the years passed happily for the three of them in their little cottage. Eventually, as these things happen, Head turned eighteen and the father resolved that it was time to initiate the new adult to the ways of the world, and to alcohol in particular. So he put Head in his bowling ball bag and they set off for the local pub.

Once there, the proud father put Head on the bar and ordered a glass of wine. Head slurped at the wine while a huge grin twisted his lips. At the last gulp, there was a huge puff of smoke and a flash of lightning. When the smoke cleared, a miracle had occurred. Head had grown shoulders and two arms.

Head flexed his new fingers--or maybe they were her new fingers, for gender remained a matter for speculation. Eyes wide with wonder, Head exclaimed, "That's wonderful, Pop! I want more!"

So the father ordered a beer. Head chugged the brew like an expert. There was another huge puff of smoke and flash of lightning. Head had grown a body. Head ran his hands over his chest while a wry grin bent his lips. "I guess I'm a boy, Pop." His laughter turned to a hearty belch before he said, "That was even. Let's do it again. I want more."

This time, the father ordered a Harvey Wallbanger. Head drained the drink in one swallow. Once again there was an enormous puff of smoke and lightning, even bigger than the first two. But this time Head was gone! He was nowhere to be seen, as though that last drink was too much for him and he just disappeared in a cloud of smoke.

Of course the father was dismayed at his loss.

The bartender could only think of one thing to say.

"He should have quit while he was a head!"